I think my weight issues started when I was around 8. I used to be this rail thin kid who had trouble eating, I mainly ate soup and thats about it. Around the time I was 8 though I was introduced to the wonders of korean fast food. I went to Korea to visit my relatives and I was so fucked. I had this thing called a bulgogi burger from Lotteria every single day I was there. I was obsessed with this thing. Its kinda like a long-wise beef burger with this weird teriyaki sauce. I had it when I went back to Korea for Zephyr and it was really mediocre, but as a kid it haunted my dreams. It was the Lindsay Lohan mean girls phase of foods for me. I got unhealthily obsessed with fast food. When I got back I would beg and pine for it all the time and my parents would oblige. Anytime I got an A? Thats a trip to Mcdonalds. Anytime I was sick? Burger King and this thing called a chicken tender sandwich. I started to associate doing well with being able to go and eat out. Slowly I started ballooning in weight and I didn't really know how to stop. My mom was a single Korean mom, and had a hard time staying at home so when she did cook for us she cooked a LOT. My mother, bless her heart, always would get angry if me or my sister did not finish our outrageously large meals. My sister would shove food onto my plate and I'd dutifully finish it. I think this is something a lot of people go through, regardless of cultural upbringing. I don't blame my family, at the end of the day I had a choice, but man looking back it felt like I didn't.
Fast forward to middle school where I got a lot more independence. My mom would give me a few dollars for lunch every day because she was too tired / busy to make me lunch. I got addicted to Sprite. I would drink this stuff with pretty much every meal. A bottle a day or bust since I was 13. It sorta became a meme and kids are weird. I had this idea that I was the Sprite kid and thats how I fit in. I would always be drinking it. At some point if I didn't have it for 2-3 days I'd lose my shit and throw a tantrum. (Editors note: I was a dickhead of a kid, sorry everyone) So now I had the shittiest food habits of all time, did everything I could to get out of exercise, really saw fast food as a source of positive encouragement, and I was really into soda.
I had some really weird body issues, I got into the habit at a young age of wearing a sweatshirt or hoodie to cover up how fat I was. I wasn't really that fat as a high schooler, but going from being this rail thin kid to being chubby really hurt. I think I was the only chubby kid in my friend circle as well. This also became a meme, I was actually voted worst dressed in high school because rain or shine, hot or cold, I was the guy wearing a hoodie. College did not help. I know theres a freshmen 15, but for me it was more like a freshmen 35. I pretty much ate burgers every single day of school without any form of exercise. At some point I had an epiphany that what I was doing to my body wasn't good, I worked out for 3-4 days in a row and tried to quit eating fries anddddd that ended after about a week. I got really into P-90X for ten days and proudly proclaimed I never felt better, then I skipped one day and rationalized that it was only one day! One day turns into 4 years so quickly.
Fast forward to about eight months ago around TI~. As a gamer I have all the excuses in the world for both sides. On one hand I have a lot of free time so I can exercise and do other shit. On the other, I sit on my ass all day and its more convenient to just eat unhealthily. During my time on Liquid, we would eat ALL the time. I think all of us gained like 10 kg (22 lbs). I remember right after TI I saw a photo of myself at Mafia Lan and it was depressing. I put myself on a scale for the first time in ever? and found out I was 102 kg (225 lbs). I am 177.8cm (5'10) and holy shit I felt the weight. I decided at that point I was heading towards a really dangerous trajectory. I am 26 years old, not getting any younger and the longer I put this off the harder it will be. I was having trouble walking up and down stairs, I remember one distinct example, where I was walking across an airport with Soe and Maelk and I was having trouble keeping up and I was trying not to show it but I was absolutely winded after a brisk ten minute walk. None of these things felt great and it was so embarrassing.
I started on August 24th, I decided I would finally change my life for good. I don't know why this time felt different, I outlined earlier some of my struggles, but I left out most of the times I'd try for 2-3 days and quit, which was often. I started by figuring out the stuff that was easiest to change and figuring out ways around them. The first thing I did was telling my mom I was going to eat however much I wanted to eat and that she needed to support that. Then came the soda. Sprite which I had been drinking religiously for 16 years had to stop. Theres probably a Sprite executive wondering where half of his sales went but sorry I'm done. I started getting headaches and shit for a bit, but eventually after a few weeks those went away. After I got used to not having soda I gradually started adding other things in. I realized that my past failures had more to do with me forcing way too many things at once and trying to get immediate results rather then planning for the long term. So doing it step by step was the key here, talk with mom then came soda. After that it was gradually walking around my neighborhood. My neighbor Don would always give me encouragement as did my sister. The first time I ran, and I tracked all this with Runkeeper, I went 0.35 miles before I got winded and quit. In the past I would take this as failure and just stop because whats the point? but this time I told myself that doing bad one day or skipping a day did not mean I had quit it altogether, it meant that I'm human and I get those days. The next day I ran 0.65. 3 days after that I hit my first mile! It took around 14 minutes and I was embarrassed every step of the way, but then I realized nobody really gives a shit except for me. The next step after adding in basic running was the food part.During runs I'd realize anytime I had Wingstop or some form of fast food, I was feeling like shit. I decided not to quit it permanently, but instead of having it 4-5 times a week, I went down to 2. After about a month I went down to one cheat meal a week. I started drinking TONS of water at all times so that I would feel full faster. Want a snack? Get some water.and maybe some fruit. Still hungry during a meal? Pause for about 2-3 minutes and see if you are eating because its a habit or if you actually need more food. Then drink some more water and assess. My general routine now is *Run 2 miles in the morning when I wake up, eat a light lunch, sandwiches or a chicken breast w/ some greens. For a snack I might have a banana or some almonds. For dinner nowadays I eat whatever I want, but I try to eat it in moderation. Most of the time its healthy, some of the time its my moms Katsu. I tried to do things gradually so that they would stick instead of crashing and burning by trying everything at once. Moderation and easing yourself out is the biggest piece of advice I'd give anyone. Oh and stop snacking and eating past a certain point! I stopped eating past 8 pm and I stopped reaching for things. The snacking part was the hardest and if and when you start you will feel hungry all the time, but just try and fight that urge. Having a fixed sleep schedule REALLY helped, instead of sleeping at 3am every night I tried to sleep at 12 so that I didn't build such a hunger curve.
Around the end of October I went to our bootcamp at DC, and started lifting with Reso. Having someone to go to the gym with me and keep me committed really helped out. After practices at night we'd go 6/7 days a week, and we stayed on that for pretty much the last few months. I think I've skipped ten gym days total since I've started. At first it was just some basic stuff like benching and squatting and slowly I added more stuff on top of that. The first few days at the gym were rough, I could barely do the bar when I benched and squats just hurt. I felt really embarrassed by the fact that everyone else seemed so strong, and I thought about quitting frequently. But gradually you start to realize a lot of these things are in your head and that nobody gives a fuck. A lot of the reasons for not working out that I gave myself were based on other people, this idea that someone would judge me, as someone who struggled with self confidence and being so self conscious, exercising and dieting has really helped ease that part for me. Aside from the fact that I can run 2 miles without getting winded, the biggest change is that I don't really care so much what people think, especially about my physical appearance.
Right now, I weighed myself in at a comfortable 162 lbs. I don't really have any weight goals,and thank god I do not have loose skin or any of those issues. I have some stretch marks but I'm working on just getting abs to cover them up, but even then I don't really mind them. They remind me that its a life long journey and theres no real end goal here other then to stay at a normal range of weight. I thank all the dudes on Thunderbirds that helped me stay healthy, Charlie, Cap, and everyone that gave me positive encouragement. If I ever notice anyone losing weight or trying to, I try and say kind words. It's not fishing for compliments, its about knowing that someone out there understands your struggle and is supportive and kind about it.
If any questions or more shit about my routine or just someone to chat about it with feel free to send me a message on here. I left out a lot of shit cuz I gotta go play CS at the BTS office and then eat some lunch.